"That time I spent teaching was more rewarding than 40 years working at the office."
- My Aunt wistfully reflecting on her brief teaching stint during Thanksgiving
"WHYYYY must you leave us, Mr. G? WHY!??? Don't get raped by the kids at Flowers! Bye forever"
- This is literally what one of my students from my first high school wrote on a farewell card.
"Mr. G, one of my friends saw you walkin' down the hall today and was like, 'Girrrl, that boy is cute!'"
"Wait, what??"
"It's ok, it's a good thing."
(Notices my mentor teacher in the background)
"..You cute too, Mr. Fairfield."
"Mr. G, you bein' sarcastic again?"
Me: "Frida, when have I ever been sarcastic with you?"
"Right now?"
Me: "Sort of, but it's not really sarcasm."
"Yeah, sometimes it's like almost a lie AND being sarcastic."
"That's gon' be me on top of that mountain one day."
- One of my students upon seeing a video for one of the China travel tours.
"Why's it always so hot in here?"
Me: "You really wanna know why? I had them turn the heat up in here cuz I was cold."
"...You weird."
"Yo, dawg my teacher just told me how to say 'I want to go back to Hooters' in Chinese!"
- The day I reached one of the top 3 least motivated Chinese students
Me: Wow, her shoulders must be hurting from carrying your team.
Girl in a different group: Wooww, none of you were listening, he just fried yo' ass!
"Hey, why'd you throw that paper at me?"
Me: "I didn't throw it at you, I was dropping it softly."
Me: "I didn't throw it at you, I was dropping it softly."
"I'll drop you softly."
"Hey, Mr. G how do you say your last name again?"
Me: "Glotz-ho-ber."
Me: "Glotz-ho-ber."
Other student: "See, I told you it was like 'Luxembourg'!"
Me: "Luxembourg is a country."
"Hey, Mr. Ge Laoshi, did you say you were from China?"
Me: "Nope, I'm from Detroit."
"Oh, I thought you was from China." (Pauses)
"...Is it cold in Detroit?"
"Girl, that's Ge Laoshi! He's the little intern I was tellin' you about for weeks!
Ge Laoshi, you a good teacher."
- 3/14/2011. Boom.
"I wouldn't mind having two whole periods of Chinese."
- 3/21/2011
Student recording in the language lab: "Wait, so how would you end the conversation?"
Me: "Well, I guess I could just walk away."
Student: "No! On the computer!"
Me: "High five"
Student: (Thinks about it) No, you sarcastic. You're gonna move your hand."
"Ooohh! I felt a spark!"
- 3/31/2011
Student: I think I found an article, does this count?
Me: This is an article about Honduras.
Student: That in China?
Me: No, it's in Central America.
Student: Yeah, they don't look Chinese.
Student: "Wait, you ain't comin' back next year??"
Me: "Uhh, not unless the principal tells me they need another Chinese teacher."
Student: "Aw, I would take your class. I'm becoming attached to you."
"...not in a romantic way, though."
(The day after I missed class for a job interview)
Student: "Yo I need to talk to you!"
Me: (Thinking they're about to complain about the class) About what?
Student: YO, YOU CAN NOT JUST LEAVE US LIKE THAT! OH MA GAWD, HOW COME YOU DIDN'T TELL NO ONE WHERE YOU WAS GOIN'??
Me: (To another student) Well, I just got yelled at by a student.
Student 2: Yep, welcome to Flowers.
"Word on the street is: you used to have dreads."
"Nah, his hair too soft."
"Ge Laoshi, are you comin' back next year?"
"I don't know, you wanna ask Mrs. Jones (the principal) if I can come back?"
"YEAH! You have to, you're like the best!"
Other student who is almost as sarcastic as me: "Nooo, don't get him promoted!"
While working on an in-class project:
"Can you go get me a pencil?"
"Whatchu want, a regular pencil or a color pencil?"
"Reg'lar pencil."
"Well they ain't got no regular pencils, guess you gon' sit there looking crazy then."
(Looks around at the art supplies in his hand)
"Scissor fight!"
Student using my laptop: "Ooooh, you play Texas Hold 'Em?"
Me: "Yeah"
Student: "I like that game it's fun."
"...Do you like Yahtzee, too?"
(While playing Hangman, my mentor teacher draws an executioner on the board)
Student: Ooh! Draw a club with spikes!
Me (off to the side): Why would he need a club? His job is to pull a lever.
Student 2: Wait! Give him an axe!
Me: HE DOESN'T NEED AN AXE! HE HAS A GALLOWS RIGHT NEXT TO HIM!!
