"I'm going to kick you in the balls until you die, but first let me have a look."
(A Chinese girl said this to me and I'm interpreting it as the pick-up line I think it was meant to be.)
Funny shit can happen in the most random places, case in point was the saga of me trying to buy a decent pair of pants and then getting them tailored. About three weeks ago I turned downtown Wuxi inside-out trying to find a pair of khakis that didn't make me look gay (this is not a homophobic insult, even gay men would have mistaken me as homosexual if I had worn pants like that out in public). Finally I found a Dockers store and paid through the nose for a pair of khakis after mistakenly believing they were on sale (dignity prevents me from disclosing their price). At one point during the trying-on stage, I told the saleslady that I knew what she meant in terms of the pants size (I could see they were 31/32) but could she please find a smaller pair. Then, like something out of a movie she replied (verbatim) "I know you know I know your meaning, but we don't have any shorter pants." Her wording initially confused me but then I understood, and laughed involuntarily. That didn't make her too pleased. Because someone apparently believes that everyone has 32+ inch legs over here meaning I had to get them tailored and was sent to the middle-aged lady sewing department staffed by six clucking hens operating sewing machines. They seemed to get a kick out of me and at one point a lady told me to go take my pants off which suprised me before I realized they did in fact have changing rooms.
On a totally unrelated note, I got third place (out of five) in a singing competition at the local mall for a rendition of "Drive" by Incubus...some people thought I should have beat the sketchy-looking Canadian who got second place by singing a tone-deaf version of a Chinese love song, but this fails to take into account the judges couldn't understand a single word in the song. Except of course, the word "Drive".
