A casual reader on ESPN or SI.com will notice that generally speaking, most of the trade rumors going around in the NBA at this point usually involve the Pistons trying to pry away another team's best player. These trade rumors kicked off with Carmelo Anthony and have most recently made their way around to Baron Davis (?). So this got me to thinking what sort of talented but unsuccessful superstar would jump at the chance to go to Detroit? The list below shows the best fits:
1. Tracy McGrady, G/F Houston Rockets
Remember the time from about 2001-2003 when T-Mac was the shit and was widely considered the best player in the game? Due to the fact that he has the back of a man four times his age, McGrady probably doesn't have even six more seasons in him, and his play has declined from just three seasons ago. However, I put T-Mac at #1 on this list for one reason: like Kevin Garnett, he is on the short list of star players who fits the profile of a Detroit Piston.
Consider that McGrady is likely aware of his NBA mortality, is probably fiending to get out of the Western Conference and would love to be surrounded by a deeper supporting cast and you can see how the Pistons would be a better fit than the team he has now. Granted, injury is always a nagging problem with him, but even if McGrady plays only 65 regular season games, it'd be worth it if he could patch himself together for the playoffs. The other reason that T-Mac is tops on the list is that you'd figure the Rockets are itching to become a more complete team and even if they trade their (second?) best player, the Pistons are one of the few teams that can offer a package of equal value.
The Trade: Tracy McGrady for Richard Hamilton and Tayshaun Prince
2. Elton Brand, F Los Angeles Clippers
If you take nothing else from Brand's career in the NBA, at least he was one of the few highly-touted Duke players to actually meet with success in the NBA. Brand is an articulate gentleman who also happens to be a beast anywhere in the key and plays for possibly the worst franchise in pro sports. If I were Brand, a ticket out of the poisonous Clippers organization would be a godsend, especially for someone looking to prove himself after recovering from ACL surgery. Like McGrady, Brand is a maligned superstar who has not had so much as a whiff of the NBA Finals; he would get that as a Piston. A trade involving Brand and Rasheed Wallace makes sense for both teams on multiple levels; first, Brand makes a lot of money and the Clippers owner, Donald Sterling is a notoriously cheap guy. Rasheed Wallace's contract expires after next season, giving the Clippers over ten million dollars in cap relief. Second, the Clippers have another guy, Chris Kaman, who makes a living in the paint and would appreciate someone like Sheed to bring defense and spread opposing defenses. The Pistons on the other hand, need a consistent low-post scorer like none other, Brand would be brought in specifically to give the inside game a much needed shot in the arm. Again, the Pistons bring in a hungry, underrated star to make a title run, the Clippers get flexibility and the services of the most versatile power forward in the league for at least a season.
The Trade: Elton Brand for Rasheed Wallace and Amir Johnson
3. 'Melo, F Denver Nuggets
For anyone who remembers 2003, that was the fateful year the Pistons could have drafted Carmelo Anthony, instead of mega-bust Darko Milicic. Along with the Kwame Brown debacle, Darko and the Pistons' misstep both represent the biggest basketball "what-ifs" of the 2000s. It literally pains me to think of TV footage of 'Melo happily attending Pistons games and proudly proclaiming that come draft day, he would be a Detroit Piston. Now, no sports fan should ever make a claim to knowledge about the decisions of any pro athlete, but I know that if I was Carmelo Anthony, I would bear just a little bit of a grudge towards the organization that should have drafted you. Perhaps that will be one of the biggest stumbling blocks towards a trade between the Pistons and the Nuggets, but maybe, it still isn't too late to mend some fences or rebuild bridges as the saying goes.
The Trade: Carmelo Anthony for Chauncey Billups and Tayshaun Prince
The resulting roster (or, the likely roster versus the hypothetical roster):
PG: Billups/Stuckey
SG: Hamilton/Mcgrady
SF: Prince/Anthony
PF: Wallace/Brand
C: Maxiell/McDyess
Bench notables: Afflalo, Johnson, Herrmann, Hayes
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
The Most Typecast Actors of All Time
Have you ever been watching a movie when all of a sudden you recognize one of the actors in it, only because it seems like they played the exact same role in a different film? As the title of this post indicates, I am attempting to consolidate a list with the actors who are more typecast in Hollywood than anyone else. This list is meant to be incomplete and un-authoritative, so any suggestions are welcome.
The List (generally in order of least to most typecast, just to keep the suspense going)
Joaquim de Almeida
Role: the smooth Hispanic gangster
Examples: Clear and Present Danger, Desperado, the TV series "24"
Synopsis: you know who he is, you just never knew he had a name. The gravely-voiced oily antagonist to Harrison Ford and Keifer Sutherland alike, de Almeida is an ultimate That Guy who just happens to play the same role every time. Every time he talks in his slow, dangerous cadence, you get the feeling that he's on the verge of beating you with a whole roasted pig or whatever they eat in Portugal/Spain.
Jean Reno
Role: the French mercenary
Examples: Mission Impossible, Ronin
Synopsis: judging from IMDB, Reno has had a long and diverse career it's just that if you're not French, you've probably never seen this guy do anything other than heist/spy movies. This is the guy who could be the stereotypical portrait for French males, that is, if Gerard Depardieu were never born.
Orlando Bloom
Role: the elven blacksmith
Examples: Pirates, LOTR, Kingdom of Heaven
Synopsis: this one was almost too easy, and while I realize Bloom was never actually an elven blacksmith in any one of his movies per se, it sort of seems like it if you view his career in an abstract sense. His righteous, holier-than-thou attitude never changes, and though you want to hit him with a tire iron if you're a guy, you have to admit that his ass-kicking abilities rates up there with Steven Seagal, if not Charles Bronson.
Hugh Grant
Role: the bumbling, but charming lover interest
Examples: Sense and Sensibility, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Notting Hill, Bridget Jones, Two Weeks' Notice, Love Actually
Synopsis: though he's not in the top 3, Grant is probably my prize find just because most guys aren't privy to cinematic knowledge of Hugh Grant, but watching the end of Love Actually jogged my memory. Love Actually is one of those movies where you can tell the writers created a character with a specific actor in mind and basically decided, "fuck it, he can only act one way but he's precise with it every time."
Kevin Spacey
Role: just look at his last name, it's so ironic
Examples: Se7en, The Usual Suspects, K-PAX, Superman (-ish)
Synopsis: Kevin Spacey also plays a cop in a lot of movies, but those roles aren't nearly as powerful/funny. As far as I'm concerned, Kevin Spacey's spaced-out (ha) self manifests in three separate forms: the good, but enigmatic and aloof Kevin Spacey (K-PAX), the secretive but diabolical Kevin Spacey (The Usual Suspects) and the bad/insane Kevin Spacey (Se7en, Superman Returns). I only wish there was a way to consolidate them all, because if you watched those movies back-to-back...there probably wouldn't be much of a difference, sans all the killing.
Robin Williams
Role: the erratic, but inspirational funnyman
Examples: Dead Poets Society, Good Will Hunting, Patch Adams, Good Morning Vietnam
Synopsis: what amazes me about Robin Williams is that he is able to get away with interjecting his style of stand-up comedy into literally every role he's ever had and no one thinks twice about it. You know what I'm talking about, the fast-paced narrative of a humorous event that you can't really make out but you just assume it's funny because you hear the beginning and end of it. This continuity of delivery and style between his most serious and most comedic roles only goes to show that by and large, people have accepted the fact that he'll usually bring one way to act to the table; that and something tragic always happens to him.
Ryan Reynolds
Role: the sarcastic smartass who provides comic relief
Examples: every movie he has done since 2002. For the nitpicky, these include Van Wilder (of course), Just Friends, Blade 3 (you read correctly) and Waiting
Synopsis: as an almost 22 year-old, Reynolds in many ways symbolizes the style of humor I've grown up with in pop culture: cynical, sarcastic and self-deprecating. Van Wilder has become one of the seminal movies of my generation, and Waiting is its under-appreciated cousin. Perhaps the only thing more entertaining than Reynolds' rapid-fire rapier wit is the fact that if you saw him from the neck up, you probably wouldn't believe that he's jacked out of his mind.
Adam Sandler
Role: the understated, but bipolar and violent everyman
Examples: his entire body of work, except "Click". Click never happened.
Synopsis: before Ryan Reynolds however, the 18-34 year old crowd was first exposed to Sandler who is even now likely the undisputed champion of slightly juvenile but touching comedy. Whether you're watching Little Nicky or Punch Drunk Love (the polar opposites in the quality spectrum of his career), you can't help but empathize with Sandler's characters who always start out as nobodies but eventually look within themselves and find that they can take control of a hotel empire/win a PGA championship/win a college bowl game/rule hell/get the slightly odd girl of their dreams.
Samuel L. Jackson
Role: the militant badass
Examples: every motherfuckin' movie he's ever been in
Synopsis: Mr. L. Jackson isn't #1 on my list for one simple reason: it's too easy to put him there. Trying to come up with cool, insightful things to say about him, I realized they've been said already. By him.
Morgan Freeman
Role: the benevolent, wizened mentor/narrator; ultimate supporting actor
Examples: The Shawshank Redemption, Bruce Almighty, March of the Penguins, Million Dollar Baby, Glory
Synopsis: One of my favorite jokes about Morgan Freeman is the one where he stars in his own movie called, "The Narrator" where the first line is him saying "Ever since I can remember, people have been telling me that they just like hearing the sound of my voice." The joke is funny because it's absolutely true; they should just rename the Best Supporting Actor Oscar the Morgan Freeman 2.0 Award.
Tommy Lee Jones
Role: the hard-bitten law enforcement agent
Examples: The Fugitive, US Marshals, Men in Black, Man of the House, The Hunted
Synopsis: it's hard to imagine Tommy Lee Jones' weathered face in any other role than the hard-to-please, no-bullshit FBI/MIB agent isn't it? This is made all the easier by how forgettable his characters were who did not fit this template (i.e. Two Face and the terrorist who looked like a member of Phish, but I can't think of the movie right now). Rarely is an actor in Hollywood so perfectly set up to play one character and one character only, he's so good in fact that I don't think anyone WANTS him to try a different character type.
These are the best of the best in my mind, I'll keep adding to the list as I go...bring on your own submissions as well
The List (generally in order of least to most typecast, just to keep the suspense going)
Joaquim de Almeida
Role: the smooth Hispanic gangster
Examples: Clear and Present Danger, Desperado, the TV series "24"
Synopsis: you know who he is, you just never knew he had a name. The gravely-voiced oily antagonist to Harrison Ford and Keifer Sutherland alike, de Almeida is an ultimate That Guy who just happens to play the same role every time. Every time he talks in his slow, dangerous cadence, you get the feeling that he's on the verge of beating you with a whole roasted pig or whatever they eat in Portugal/Spain.
Jean Reno
Role: the French mercenary
Examples: Mission Impossible, Ronin
Synopsis: judging from IMDB, Reno has had a long and diverse career it's just that if you're not French, you've probably never seen this guy do anything other than heist/spy movies. This is the guy who could be the stereotypical portrait for French males, that is, if Gerard Depardieu were never born.
Orlando Bloom
Role: the elven blacksmith
Examples: Pirates, LOTR, Kingdom of Heaven
Synopsis: this one was almost too easy, and while I realize Bloom was never actually an elven blacksmith in any one of his movies per se, it sort of seems like it if you view his career in an abstract sense. His righteous, holier-than-thou attitude never changes, and though you want to hit him with a tire iron if you're a guy, you have to admit that his ass-kicking abilities rates up there with Steven Seagal, if not Charles Bronson.
Hugh Grant
Role: the bumbling, but charming lover interest
Examples: Sense and Sensibility, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Notting Hill, Bridget Jones, Two Weeks' Notice, Love Actually
Synopsis: though he's not in the top 3, Grant is probably my prize find just because most guys aren't privy to cinematic knowledge of Hugh Grant, but watching the end of Love Actually jogged my memory. Love Actually is one of those movies where you can tell the writers created a character with a specific actor in mind and basically decided, "fuck it, he can only act one way but he's precise with it every time."
Kevin Spacey
Role: just look at his last name, it's so ironic
Examples: Se7en, The Usual Suspects, K-PAX, Superman (-ish)
Synopsis: Kevin Spacey also plays a cop in a lot of movies, but those roles aren't nearly as powerful/funny. As far as I'm concerned, Kevin Spacey's spaced-out (ha) self manifests in three separate forms: the good, but enigmatic and aloof Kevin Spacey (K-PAX), the secretive but diabolical Kevin Spacey (The Usual Suspects) and the bad/insane Kevin Spacey (Se7en, Superman Returns). I only wish there was a way to consolidate them all, because if you watched those movies back-to-back...there probably wouldn't be much of a difference, sans all the killing.
Robin Williams
Role: the erratic, but inspirational funnyman
Examples: Dead Poets Society, Good Will Hunting, Patch Adams, Good Morning Vietnam
Synopsis: what amazes me about Robin Williams is that he is able to get away with interjecting his style of stand-up comedy into literally every role he's ever had and no one thinks twice about it. You know what I'm talking about, the fast-paced narrative of a humorous event that you can't really make out but you just assume it's funny because you hear the beginning and end of it. This continuity of delivery and style between his most serious and most comedic roles only goes to show that by and large, people have accepted the fact that he'll usually bring one way to act to the table; that and something tragic always happens to him.
Ryan Reynolds
Role: the sarcastic smartass who provides comic relief
Examples: every movie he has done since 2002. For the nitpicky, these include Van Wilder (of course), Just Friends, Blade 3 (you read correctly) and Waiting
Synopsis: as an almost 22 year-old, Reynolds in many ways symbolizes the style of humor I've grown up with in pop culture: cynical, sarcastic and self-deprecating. Van Wilder has become one of the seminal movies of my generation, and Waiting is its under-appreciated cousin. Perhaps the only thing more entertaining than Reynolds' rapid-fire rapier wit is the fact that if you saw him from the neck up, you probably wouldn't believe that he's jacked out of his mind.
Adam Sandler
Role: the understated, but bipolar and violent everyman
Examples: his entire body of work, except "Click". Click never happened.
Synopsis: before Ryan Reynolds however, the 18-34 year old crowd was first exposed to Sandler who is even now likely the undisputed champion of slightly juvenile but touching comedy. Whether you're watching Little Nicky or Punch Drunk Love (the polar opposites in the quality spectrum of his career), you can't help but empathize with Sandler's characters who always start out as nobodies but eventually look within themselves and find that they can take control of a hotel empire/win a PGA championship/win a college bowl game/rule hell/get the slightly odd girl of their dreams.
Samuel L. Jackson
Role: the militant badass
Examples: every motherfuckin' movie he's ever been in
Synopsis: Mr. L. Jackson isn't #1 on my list for one simple reason: it's too easy to put him there. Trying to come up with cool, insightful things to say about him, I realized they've been said already. By him.
Morgan Freeman
Role: the benevolent, wizened mentor/narrator; ultimate supporting actor
Examples: The Shawshank Redemption, Bruce Almighty, March of the Penguins, Million Dollar Baby, Glory
Synopsis: One of my favorite jokes about Morgan Freeman is the one where he stars in his own movie called, "The Narrator" where the first line is him saying "Ever since I can remember, people have been telling me that they just like hearing the sound of my voice." The joke is funny because it's absolutely true; they should just rename the Best Supporting Actor Oscar the Morgan Freeman 2.0 Award.
Tommy Lee Jones
Role: the hard-bitten law enforcement agent
Examples: The Fugitive, US Marshals, Men in Black, Man of the House, The Hunted
Synopsis: it's hard to imagine Tommy Lee Jones' weathered face in any other role than the hard-to-please, no-bullshit FBI/MIB agent isn't it? This is made all the easier by how forgettable his characters were who did not fit this template (i.e. Two Face and the terrorist who looked like a member of Phish, but I can't think of the movie right now). Rarely is an actor in Hollywood so perfectly set up to play one character and one character only, he's so good in fact that I don't think anyone WANTS him to try a different character type.
These are the best of the best in my mind, I'll keep adding to the list as I go...bring on your own submissions as well
Thursday, June 19, 2008
This is My First Time...and the NBA Finals
Hello everyone, this post represents the first for me in the introspective, self-absorbed world of blogging, which I'm betting will turn out to be much better than writing a note on Facebook. To give a general overview of what to expect on this particular blog, I like sports, particularly Detroit sports so there will be a lot of that. Additionally, I signed up for a blog so I could record amusing rants or observations that are in my mind, which is why I didn't name the blog something too specific (i.e. I Put a Paper Bag on My Head When Watching The Lions).
On a related note, the first subject I wanted to tackle is the NBA Finals. I boycotted them and didn't watch even one quarter of a game. I might've been more inclined to watch them if, A. The Pistons were in them and B. if the insipid NBA hype machine hadn't made the totally irrelevant comparison to the Lakers-Celtics matchups of the 1980's. Let's analyze why this is wrong from both teams perspectives:
The Lakers
The Lakers' star right now is obviously Kobe Bryant, and their best player in the 1980's was Magic Johnson. Magic's charisma, leadership and broad-based appeal made him one of the most marketable and fun to watch athletes in professional sports, and he provided a shot in the arm to an NBA that was faced with declining viewership. Kobe Bryant may be the best player in the game today but he is also a cocky adulterer who has the worst tattoos someone with his money can buy. Magic's Lakers teams included upstanding players such as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and "Big Game" James Worthy. Kobe has Lamar Odom, a good all-around player but no lock for the Hall of Fame, and Pau Gasol who could make a serious case for the least attractive person in the NBA. As a Detroit sports fan, nothing would have made me happier than seeing the Lakers play the Pistons, whom judging from the 2004 NBA Finals are Laker/Phil Jackson kryptonite, but obviously the Pistons didn't come to play when it mattered this year. However, one doesn't have to work at Nielsen Media to guess that league officials rejoiced when it became official that a team from the West Coast would represent their conference instead of the New England Patriots, I mean San Antonio Spurs.
The Celtics
I was reading an issue of Maxim a month ago like most 20-something males tend to do and I found an article detailing how fans from Boston have become perfect asshole sports fans and a polarizing force in the American social strata. If I were a New York, Chicago or LA resident, nothing would tee me off more than seeing boisterous, obnoxious fans from a city of only half a million people receive as much play in the media as the bigger sports markets in the country. Simply put, it was easier for me to identify with the blue-collar, hard luck Boston fans of the 1980s who had but one team (the Celts) to look forward to. Despite having three HoF players on its roster, the media has never tired of calling the 1980s Celtics "scrappy" and "blue collar", which struck a chord with white middle-class Americans who didn't live in Chicago or Detroit. The 2008 Champion Celtics look nothing like this team. The current "Big 3" are stars in their own right and answered questions about their legitimacy as a team, but do nothing to evoke memories of the 1980s Celtics. It will be interesting to see what the media ratings for the NBA Finals are, ten bucks says that the NBA is banking on the viewership of people who wanted to see Kevin Garnett and Kobe Bryant go at it more than it was counting on people getting nostalgic about the 80's and the past glory of both teams.
Is this criticism fair and/or warranted? Let me know, especially those from the coasts
On a related note, the first subject I wanted to tackle is the NBA Finals. I boycotted them and didn't watch even one quarter of a game. I might've been more inclined to watch them if, A. The Pistons were in them and B. if the insipid NBA hype machine hadn't made the totally irrelevant comparison to the Lakers-Celtics matchups of the 1980's. Let's analyze why this is wrong from both teams perspectives:
The Lakers
The Lakers' star right now is obviously Kobe Bryant, and their best player in the 1980's was Magic Johnson. Magic's charisma, leadership and broad-based appeal made him one of the most marketable and fun to watch athletes in professional sports, and he provided a shot in the arm to an NBA that was faced with declining viewership. Kobe Bryant may be the best player in the game today but he is also a cocky adulterer who has the worst tattoos someone with his money can buy. Magic's Lakers teams included upstanding players such as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and "Big Game" James Worthy. Kobe has Lamar Odom, a good all-around player but no lock for the Hall of Fame, and Pau Gasol who could make a serious case for the least attractive person in the NBA. As a Detroit sports fan, nothing would have made me happier than seeing the Lakers play the Pistons, whom judging from the 2004 NBA Finals are Laker/Phil Jackson kryptonite, but obviously the Pistons didn't come to play when it mattered this year. However, one doesn't have to work at Nielsen Media to guess that league officials rejoiced when it became official that a team from the West Coast would represent their conference instead of the New England Patriots, I mean San Antonio Spurs.
The Celtics
I was reading an issue of Maxim a month ago like most 20-something males tend to do and I found an article detailing how fans from Boston have become perfect asshole sports fans and a polarizing force in the American social strata. If I were a New York, Chicago or LA resident, nothing would tee me off more than seeing boisterous, obnoxious fans from a city of only half a million people receive as much play in the media as the bigger sports markets in the country. Simply put, it was easier for me to identify with the blue-collar, hard luck Boston fans of the 1980s who had but one team (the Celts) to look forward to. Despite having three HoF players on its roster, the media has never tired of calling the 1980s Celtics "scrappy" and "blue collar", which struck a chord with white middle-class Americans who didn't live in Chicago or Detroit. The 2008 Champion Celtics look nothing like this team. The current "Big 3" are stars in their own right and answered questions about their legitimacy as a team, but do nothing to evoke memories of the 1980s Celtics. It will be interesting to see what the media ratings for the NBA Finals are, ten bucks says that the NBA is banking on the viewership of people who wanted to see Kevin Garnett and Kobe Bryant go at it more than it was counting on people getting nostalgic about the 80's and the past glory of both teams.
Is this criticism fair and/or warranted? Let me know, especially those from the coasts
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